Anniversary Absence and Presents
by E. Limberg
Summary: Castle and Beckett celebrate their anniversary in a non-traditional way given recent events on the show. Will have 1-2 more chapters. Spoilers for season 8 and for the Nikki Heat books.
1. Chapter 1

**Anniversary Absence and Presents**

 **Chapter 1:**

Castle sighs as he closes the door to the loft behind him. It was their first anniversary, and some part of him had hoped that he would come home from his PI office and find her at home waiting for him. But the loft was dark, and he hadn't seen his wife in three days. A part of him is furious with her for the separation that she is inflicting upon them and the fact that she won't tell him what he has done wrong. An even larger part of him misses her, and his heart physically aches at the thought of spending this very special night alone in their bed.

As he walks through the living room and into his office, he contemplates giving her a call but is unsure whether or not she would pick it up. Perhaps his desire to win her back by worming his way onto her cases was actually driving her further away. But Mia had told him that she could smell that his wife still loved him. And they had been so happy together right up until her disappearance and the reopening of her mother's case; whatever change had come about had to be a result of that and not a change in her feelings for him.

The writer freezes in the doorway to their bedroom, spotting a box sitting on the end of their bed which he had definitely not put there. He looks around the room, hoping to find her hiding there and waiting to surprise him, but there is no one else home. He slowly approaches the bed, finding a card sitting atop the box with his name written in her neat print. His hands shake as he opens the card.

 _Rick,_

 _I know this in no way makes up for me missing our first anniversary, but I thought that if I gave you a piece of me - a piece of us, really - that maybe we would make it through this. I am so sorry that I have done this to us. I miss you with all of my heart, and I look forward to the day that I can come home. Please know that you will always be my partner in crime and in life, though I know that this must be difficult for you to believe at the present time. I love you with all of my heart._

 _Kate_

He hastens to open the box that accompanies her card. Upon seeing all seven of his Nikki Heat novels inside the box, he frowns, confused as to why she was giving him copies of his own books. He tentatively pulls out _Heat Wave_ , opening it up to the first page; he is surprised to find that the black and white page is covered with blue ink. He quickly flips through the pages of the book, finding that the whole book is filled with her writing. Turning back to page one, he starts reading her commentary. _Of course you wouldn't change her name, especially since I told you it sounded like a stripper_ , she had written in the margin at the bottom of that very first paragraph, the fictional detective's name underlined.

He sits down on the end of the bed as he continues reading, taking in everything from her ' _Really, Castle?_ ' on page 105, where he had used her "you have no idea" from when he had tried to get her into bed on their very first case together, to the last page of the book, where she had written a bit more: _You were beyond frustrating for those first few months. I hated that you were drawing all this attention to me. But you were surprisingly helpful at solving cases. I know now that you were just trying to help when you reopened her case, and I am glad that I let you come back._

He moves on to _Naked Heat_ , where she has written ' _For the record I didn't hate the book as much as Nikki hated the article_ ' beside his description of how the article had made Nikki and Rook split up. He smiles at her comments on the plot, about how she did not expect the murder cover up. Again, she left a lengthier message on the last page: _I'm still trying to imagine you writing romance novels… And while I had to deal with the gossip over the title of this one, it perfectly describes Nikki's feelings during this book and my own when the first book came out. While I'm still not comfortable in the spotlight, I guess I've gotten more used to it over the years._

In _Heat Rises_ , the writer finds that she has written fewer comments throughout the book. This had been the hardest for him to write by far; he had intended to turn to her mother's case in the third book of the series, but he put that on hold after she was shot. His imagination had gone wild after her shooting, and he had written the entire book in just over a week; not knowing if his muse was okay, he had turned to Nikki to rewrite the recent events. _I have to confess that I didn't actually read this one until a few weeks after I had returned to work_ , his wife wrote. _When I came back to the city, the advance copy you had sent was waiting for me. I saw it and couldn't bring myself to open it. I was too afraid; the books were always so similar to real life, and I was afraid that it would end with Nikki getting shot, with her dying because you wouldn't want anything to do with me after the pain I caused you. I should have known that it would have been too hard to stick to reality, that the guilt you were carrying over my shooting would have led you to have Rook take that bullet for her because you were unable to take the one that hit me. I would have never forgiven myself if you had taken that bullet for me, Rick, because in the aftermath of Montgomery's death, I had come to realize that you were more than just my partner in crime._

If he thought _Heat Rises_ was lacking in commentary, she had certainly made up for it in _Frozen Heat_. Beside where Nikki finds her initials carved into the suitcase, she wrote, _You're really going to tie this whole thing together with a suitcase?_ And when they go back to the conservatory where Nikki's mother had trained, Beckett had written, _Á pianist? My mother had absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, and I kind of hated you for making her seem like she wasn't making a difference_. Her commentary reads ' _Of course you had to bring your CIA conspiracy theories into this. At least you gave her a more important job than just a pianist_ ' in the margin of the page in which Tyler Wynn reveals that her mother worked for him in the CIA. _Did you know when you created Petar that you were going to make him be a killer? Or were you just jealous?_ she wrote when Petar revealed that he had never loved Nikki in the ghost station. Her message on the last page reads _: I am glad that you made this so different from what actually happened, although I guess we didn't really have the full story when this came out. Petar's betrayal was a twist I didn't see coming, and I'm glad that you didn't make the captain involved in this. Also, Irons is a complete idiot; Gates was at least good at her job even if she did hate you._

 _Deadly Heat_ is filled with just as much writing. _Did I ever actually say odd sock? Because I certainly regret it now_ , he reads beside the description of Rook's new article and can perfectly picture her rolling her eyes. When Yardley Bell is introduced, he finds ' _I thought Sofia was a sore spot, and with as jealous as Nikki is, there is no way Yardley is not based on Sofia_ ' in her neat handwriting. _Very clever, making us think Rainbow was going succeed in killing Nikki_ , she wrote during the scene at the helipad. On the last page, he again finds a message waiting for him: _And yet you managed to make it more similar to the real story than I first thought. Nikki had the answer all along, though we didn't know that the elephants hid the key when you wrote this. Rainbow reminds me of a certain other serial killer that wanted me dead… I guess you got over the guilt of making me a target. But you did good, Castle; you did her story justice when we didn't even know the ending yet, and she would have enjoyed reading it._

As he cracks open _Raging Heat_ , he glances at the clock on the bedside stand and is surprised to find that over three hours have passed since he arrived home. Their anniversary had officially ended, and while she had given him a surprisingly great present (though not as good as her presence itself would have been), he had failed to give her anything to celebrate. If he did hurry, he might be able to come up with something to surprise her as he quite honestly hadn't really given much thought to what he should give her since he had been too busy thinking about how to win her back. Vowing to come up with something for her by the end of the day, he turns back to the book in his hands.

 _A secret promotion and an engagement all in one book? Sounds a little familiar,_ she had written in the margin when Nikki finds out about the task force. When Gilbert mentions that his Hampton's mansion is named Cosmo, she had commented, _Good, you got Cosmo out of your system so it won't even come up when we have kids_. While her message on the last page is the shortest yet, he appreciates it all the same: _Bringing a high ranking government official down with a Thriller flash mob video may be better than an incriminatory evidence tape. And I'm glad that Rook was able to support Nikki in her promotion in the end._

Finally Castle picks up _Driving Heat_ ; this one had been particularly hard for him to write as he had struggled to follow their story without making Rook disappear as he had done the previous summer. Kate was always very understanding of his disappearance after her initial doubts upon his return, but he knew that it still bothered her sometimes. And Rook disappeared on assignment often enough anyway. _Maybe you are psychic after all, Castle,_ she had commented on the very first page about Nikki's promotion to captain of her precinct, and he can imagine her smirking as she wrote that. He smiles at her remarks on the twists and turns of the plot, of Rook's disappearance (he couldn't completely let it go) and their reunion.

But some of his favorite words of the night are found on the last pages of his latest Nikki Heat novel: _It was never a matter of losing my independence, Castle, although it may be hard for you to believe at the moment. You were kind of a jerk at first, but then you started to show how kind and loving you could be. Before I could act on those feelings, I was shot, but your words gave me hope that things would get better. I knew I had to put in some work if I wanted us to have a real shot at happiness. I know that I have lost some degree of independence since that first night together, but I've come to find that I don't mind it at all; you make me happier than I've ever been, and I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I'm glad that you let Nikki and Rook have the wedding that we didn't get to, but please don't feel guilty about that. I wouldn't change a single minute of our story, and my only regret is walking out of that door six weeks ago. Please forgive me._

Rick looks up from her neat writing, expecting to find her in the doorway watching him read. But he is as alone in the loft as he was when he came home hours ago. He is still angry with her for walking out of their life together, but he now understands that she didn't want to do this to them. But if she regrets her decision, why isn't she coming home?

A tiny voice inside of his head answers for him: _Because she thinks that this is the only choice that she has. Because she's still in danger… and she's trying to protect me._

 **A/N: I guess their anniversary isn't until next week on the show (?), but I had the episode airing on November 10th. There will be at least one more chapter, maybe two, but I don't know when I'll get around to writing them. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Captain Beckett hesitates in the doorway to her office before turning from her desk to scan the bullpen for any sign of him. But at 6:30am with no open homicide investigations, she is the only one of the floor. She shuts her office door behind her before slowly taking a seat at her desk, taking in the two small, wrapped boxes in the middle of her desk with an envelope placed next to them, leaning against a to-go coffee cup.

As Castle had been blatantly ignoring her request for space by weaseling in on all of her homicide cases, she had fully expected him to contact her about their anniversary, to try to persuade her to celebrate with him. Truthfully she was quite grateful that he had not contacted her as she is not sure that she would have been able to resist. When she had set out on this mission, she had thought that she would be able to come home before their anniversary. During the first week apart, she had wandered into a bookstore, needing comfort from her husband and believing that his words could be a substitute when she could not have the man himself, and had purchased _Heat Wave_. The idea hit her that same night while reading the first chapter; she had thought it would be the perfect anniversary gift for him and had tried to keep her recent actions out of what she wrote. But when she got to the end of _Driving Heat_ last week, she knew that she was not going to be making it home in time to celebrate with him and had hoped that her message in the back of that book would give him consolation.

She takes a sip of the coffee, a small smile on her face at the perfectness of the coffee he had made for her, before she slides a finger under the seal of the envelope.

 _Kate,_

 _Your anniversary gift was amazing, and you truly deserve a greater gift than what I am giving you in return. The only thing that would have been better than the books is you coming home, but I understand that that is not possible at this time. Given our current situation, I wasn't sure if we would even be acknowledging our anniversary so I definitely owe you next year. And yes, there will definitely be a next year. And as we have missed our wedding and our first anniversary, we are going to make it the best second wedding anniversary ever. But returning to this year… please open box one._

 _Rick_

Kate rereads his note again, frowning at the fact that he thought she would completely ignore their anniversary because they were currently separated. Her heart aches when she realizes that he never said that he loves her, though she supposes it is somewhat implied by the fact that he thinks they will make it a second year despite what she has done. And she knows that she doesn't even deserve this after how terribly she has treated him.

Her hand shakes as she reaches for the box on the left, unsure what she is going to find. She slowly unwraps the paper and then glances out her office windows to ensure that she is still alone before she lifts the lid of the box. Inside she finds the chain with her mother's ring sitting atop another piece of paper. She carefully lifts the ring out of the box, not sure why he would be giving it to her when it had been in her jewelry box on their dresser since she had arrested Bracken, and after studying it for a long moment, she pulls the note out of the box as well.

 _This case has been tearing us apart since the moment you first told me your story, and I am sure that it is the reason you left. I thought this had ended with Allison Hyde, that LokSat was over and you were safe. But I know you, Kate, and nothing except this case would ever make you walk out on me. You've pushed me away because you are still in danger and you don't want them to come after me as well. I am returning your mother's ring in hopes that it will give you the strength you need to get through this and close this case for good, if that is what you want. I also hope that it will keep you safe, that she will watch over you when you wear it and ensure that you make it safely back to me when all of this is done._

Kate studies the ring again where it now sits on her desk, wondering how he could have figured it out. But Castle knows her better than she knows herself sometimes. They had been so happy together up until she left the loft on the morning of her first day as captain; after his initial self-doubt and worry that he had done something to upset her, of course he would realize that the only thing that had changed had been this case, that that had to be why she left. And she had fallen down the rabbit hole chasing this case so many times before that he would not doubt that she would leave him if she thought it wasn't actually over.

She had reverted back to her old ways to chase this, had thrown a year of therapy out the window, had caused tremendous damage to the most important relationship in her life. Castle had taught her to be happy again and to live with the pain caused by her mother's murder; he had had her back in this, taught her to be smart and go about things the right way instead of running in with guns blazing. He was her partner. But keeping him in the dark meant keeping him safe from this and ensuring that no one else that she loved died because of this case. And while she justified her choice to walk out by telling herself that she was protecting him, she knew that she had not changed as much as she thought, that she just could not let her mother go.

The cop stares down at the other box, wondering what else he could be giving her. After taking a deep breath, she unwraps the second box and opens it up. The bracelet that he had given her in the cake on the morning that everything changed is sitting there, the word _Always_ staring up at her. This kind and loving man deserves so much more than she can give him right now. She closes her eyes, overwhelmed with guilt, and it takes a few moments for her to calm down and ensure that she isn't going to break down in tears in the middle of the precinct. After another deep breath, she reaches for the note underneath the bracelet.

 _You are the love of my life, and I will always be there to support you, Kate. We found this at the crime scene where you were shot, and I didn't get a chance to return it before you left. I return it now in hopes that you will wear it as a reminder that I will always be your partner and will always have your back. I know that you have made your choice and that you don't want me to be a part of this. But please know that whenever you need me, whenever you are ready to come home and tell me what is going on, I am willing to listen. And if you should change your mind, I am willing to be your partner in this case again._

He knew what she was working on, and he still loved her. And she knows him almost as well as he knows her: if he thought that he could help solve this and bring her home to him sooner, then there is no question in her mind that he would start his own investigation. He would put himself in harm's way to bring her back home.

A knock startles her out of her thoughts. She gestures for Ryan and Esposito to come in. "Just got a call about a body. You want to come with us?" Esposito asks.

"I, uh… I have to finish some reports this morning. You guys can handle this on your own. Just keep me in the loop, and let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

"Something we should know about?" Ryan asks, pointing to the box with the bracelet. "Secret admirer?"

"Just Castle," she says, her gazing shifting down to her desk.

"What's going on with you two, Beckett? You've never told us what he did wrong, why you haven't forgiven him after all this time."

"He didn't do anything. This is my fault; I needed space."

"So this thing between you two is all your fault and he's still trying to win you back with fancy jewelry?"

She sighs, "Our anniversary was yesterday."

"I can help you put in on," Kevin offers, stepping forward to take the bracelet.

"Dude, she pretty much broke up with him. She doesn't want to wear his present," Esposito frowns at his partner.

She stares defiantly at Esposito as she holds the bracelet and her wrist out to his partner, "We didn't break up. I just needed time to work through some things."

"I hope you know what you're doing, Beckett. Castle is our friend too," the detective shakes his head at her before stepping out of the office.

Kevin finishes clasping the bracelet on her wrist before turning to the door. "You're lucky to have someone who loves you like he does. I know that you love him too, but don't take him for granted, Kate," the younger detective says before he too leaves.

Kate stares down at the bracelet on her wrist, thinking about how she could tell Castle that everything he had written in those notes was right but still protect him and keep him from investigating on his own.

 **~KB*RC~**

He looks down at the GPS tracking app on his phone, confirming that she is still a block ahead of him. He sees her turn the corner on the app and hastens his pace so that he doesn't lose her. Just as he turns the corner, he sees the captain opening the door to a building halfway down the block.

By the time he gets into the lobby, the elevator is just leaving the first floor. He watches the numbers flash above the elevator; when it finally stops at the fourth floor, he heads for the stairs, taking them two at a time.

 **A/N: Probably one more chapter to go, but I haven't started it yet. Hopefully will get it posted before the fall finale next week. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Castle frowns, turning his gaze from one door to the next, unsure exactly which of the two he had just seen his wife disappear behind. Just as he had poked his head out of the stairwell, she had walked into one of these two apartments, but now that he had gotten closer to them, he couldn't be sure exactly which one it was. He glances down at the phone still in his hand, but the GPS tracking app has the dot from his phone overlaying the dot from the tracking device he had put on the bracelet he had returned to her.

When he had followed her from the precinct, he had hoped that she would be working on her investigation, the secret that she had been keeping from him. But this just looked like an apartment building to him - a rather cheap one at that - and she had likely just lead him to where she has been staying. If only he could figure out exactly which of the two she had entered, he could come back tomorrow while she was at work; she probably had a murder board going in her temporary apartment, and he could use it to help solve the case and bring her home.

"What are you doing here?"

The writer whirls around, having not heard the elevator arrive, and finds Vikram standing behind him. "I was just…"

Vikram nods toward Castle's cell phone with the GPS app still open, "You put a tracker on her?"

"I…" Castle hesitates when he notices the keys in the analyst's hand. "Why would Beckett give you keys to her apartment? What are you doing here?"

"This is my apartment. Your wife is staying with me right now."

"You and my wife…?" he takes a step closer, hands clenching into fists.

Vikram backs up a step, "Hey, I may have flirted at first; she's hot and smart and who wouldn't? But she shut me down pretty quickly; there is absolutely nothing going on between us."

"Nothing going on?"

The analyst sighs, "I can't tell you what we're doing, Castle. She's sworn me to secrecy. But she still loves you, and there is nothing romantic going on between the two of us."

Castle stares at the two doors again, debating what he should do now that he's been caught. "I don't suppose that you could forget that I was here?"

"I have to tell her. But if you're already here and going to get in trouble for it, you may as well get to see her," Vikram steps forward to unlock the door on the right and gestures for the writer to enter before him.

"Hey, I was thinking another stakeout was in order for tonight. My narcotics contact got another hit on some heroin from a drug bust a couple days ago," Beckett says when the door closes, not looking up from the file in front of her on the kitchen counter.

"You're tracing LokSat through heroin?" Castle exclaims, unable to stop himself.

Her head snaps up from the file, a look of complete horror on her face. "You brought him here?"

"I found him in the hallway. I think he traced you here," Vikram says. Castle quickly shoves his cell phone in his pants pocket before she can see it.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same question."

"How did you find me here?"

"I followed you from the precinct," he hastens to answer.

"He had some kind of tracking app open on his phone when I found him. I would search your stuff; he probably stuck it in your pocket or something," Vikram chimes in.

"Where is the tracker, Castle?"

"There isn't one. I followed you when you left the precinct."

She sighs and lifts the chain with her mother's ring from around her neck. When she reaches out to set it on the counter, her sleeve rises, and her eyes land on the bracelet. She hesitates before taking it off as well. "You shouldn't be here, Rick."

"And neither should you."

"I'm doing this to protect you. I'm doing this so that we can have a future together."

"No, you're not, Kate. You're doing this because you can't let this case go. But I understand that, and I want to help you solve this."

"Everyone involved in this case dies, Castle. I don't want you to be next."

"And I don't want officers knocking on my door in the middle of the night to tell me that my wife is dead," he argues, voice rising.

Kate looks down at the bracelet that is still in her hand, a tear sliding down her cheek as she reads the word ' _Always_ ' again. "I'm sorry, Rick, but I have to do this."

"Partners, Kate. That was our vow to each other a year ago. I'm not asking you to walk away from this case; I'm asking you to let me help you, to let me have your back in this," he reaches to take her hand. "You can send me away if you want to, but you know me, Kate. I'm not going to let this go; I'm going to investigate this with or without you because I want my wife back."

She brings her eyes up to meet his and squeezes his hand, "Okay, Castle. Partners."

The sound of a gun cocking causes both of them to freeze. "You should have just left him out of it, Beckett," Vikram says as he points the gun at the writer.

"Vikram? What are you doing?" she asks as they both slowly raise their hands.

"LokSat sent me to get close to you when all those mercenaries were after you. We escaped all those times because he wanted us to. And once that was over, Rita and I were supposed to convince you to leave your husband and continue to chase this case. I was supposed to gain your trust and then kill you before you could ever figure out who LokSat is."

"Why did you want me to leave Castle? Why not just kill him too?"

"Because killing a best-selling author would draw a lot of attention."

"So why kill me now?"

"Because you are just too damn forgiving!" Vikram shouts. "We thought that you wouldn't be able to forgive her if she left you. We thought that you would want nothing to do with her if she sacrificed your marriage to work on this case. And when she died, you wouldn't care and wouldn't come looking for revenge."

"When you truly love someone, you learn to forgive them for the mistakes that they make," the writer says with a glance at his wife. He takes a step forward and moves partly in front of his wife to cover her.

"You just don't know when to give up, Kate Beckett. And now it is going to cost both of you your lives. Now… say your goodbyes."

"I love you, Castle," she says, removing her gun from her holster with as little movement and sound as possible while Castle blocks Vikram's view of her right side. "And I'm so sorry for what I've done… Now!"

As he drops to the floor, she brings her weapon up and sends three shots into Vikram's chest. When Vikram is down, Castle crawls forward to take his weapon. He studies the rapidly growing pool of blood around the man before turning back to his wife.

She has sunk down to the floor, and he can see the red stain on her blue shirt underneath the hand at her right shoulder. Her gun and the bracelet both lay beside her.

"Kate!" he rushes over to help her apply pressure to the bullet wound in her shoulder. "You're going to be okay," he tries to assure her as he pulls his phone out to call 911.

"Three bullets is enough, Rick. I'm done with this case. For good."

"You don't have to make rash decisions right now, Kate. This doesn't look that bad; you'll be okay."

"I made such a stupid mistake, Castle. I shouldn't have trusted him. And it almost cost us our marriage and our lives," she says, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"But we're okay, Kate. We'll be okay," he leans in to meet her lips, trying not to jostle her and cause more pain.

"You deserve so much better. I broke our vows, and I don't know how you'll ever be able to trust me again. But I just want you to take me home."

"I think the hospital is going to be our first stop, but then I will gladly take you home, Beckett."

She smiles at him, "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate. You will always be my partner in life."

 **A/N: This isn't really where I had intended to take this story... But I couldn't really think of anything better. Thanks for all of the reviews. Happy Thanksgiving!**


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